Curbside Gift Guide: 2016

It’s been a rough year of deaths, disappointments, and disasters, but we still have the holidays to get through. Perhaps the surplus of twinkling lights, cozy nights at home, and seasonal baked goods is the balm we need. Also there are usually presents. The tradition of gift-giving can be a stressful one if you’re hard up for cash, or have spent all of your money on donations to Planned Parenthood, the ACLU, NAACP, the Sierra Club, etc., etc. For your convenience we’ve included gifts all along the price spectrum. May these items support you in whatever the new year may bring.

1. HANDMADE GIFTS — FREE

Everyone in your life will appreciate this handmade dumpster fire ornament to commemorate the year 2016. Cost is low, you can even cut up the outfit you’d planned to wear to the presidential inauguration for material. Jennifer Brooks gives you the step-by-step instructions here. 

2. BOTTLE OPENER — $15

You, and your loved ones, might feel like drinking a lot. That happens when the deep chill of the apocalypse sets in. With this Game of Thrones (therefore slightly literary) themed bottle opener your giftees will feel a little bit more cultured as they guzzle down their seasonally-flavored beers and ciders. 

3. BOOKS — $2 - $35

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Education is so crucial in these times of political upheaval and the holidays. For all of those family members you are kind of not talking to right now, unless it’s to correct their terrifyingly inaccurate social media tirades, here are some suggestions: Engines of Liberty: The Power of Citizen Activists to Make Constitutional Law by David Cole, The Highest Glass Ceiling: Women's Quest for the American Presidency by Ellen Fitzpatrick, Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America by Ibram X. Kendi, Why the Right Went Wrong: Conservatism - From Goldwater to the Tea Party and Beyond by E.J. Dionne Jr.

But let's be real, you should probably just buy them a copy of the United States Constitution so they can read it for the first time. 

4. PILLOWS ON WHICH TO SLEEP — $20

I’m exhausted, are you exhausted? I took a nap in the middle of writing this listicle. If you want to look smart while dozing at your desk, do it on a book! Regular books are hard and there’s a potential for papercuts, so may I suggest a pillowbook? ThinkGeek has two flavors for you: Treasure Island and Alice in Wonderland. The choice is clear.

5. SELF-REFLECTING — $30

Know some people who really need to take a long, hard look at their own lives, opinions, and decisions? Send them a mirror this winter! Wairfair Supply has this very simple frame so there won't be any distractions while your loved ones gaze deep into their own souls and reflect on their actions. 

6. STAY IN BED ALL WINTER — $40

Maybe you need a gift for yourself. Maybe that gift needs to allow you to never leave your bed again. Bears hibernate! Why can’t you? This adjustable laptop tray from Bed, Bath & Beyonce will give you just the surface you need to write your Facebook rants from the comfort of your comforter.